Just how much is
it possible for us to forgive?
Mary Friedel-Hunt
Reflections
October 14, 2006
Forgiveness:
a powerful word for sure! The etymology of the word
tells us that it is derived from the concept of
letting go. But what does that mean in our everyday
lives?
Does it ask us to
let go of our rage when a disturbed man shoots 10
innocent Amish girls? Does it require letting go of
revenge when a drunk driver kills our loved one?
Does it urge us to refuse to wish evil on someone
who hurts us or a family member? Does it demand that
we forgive those who terrorize and kill citizens as
they go about their daily jobs? Finally, does it
suggest that we let go of anger when those who hold
public office betray us?
The answer to all
of these questions is yes.
When Amish
children, a Wisconsin school principal and a
Colorado student were killed during the past weeks I
must admit I was taken aback for a moment when it
was announced that the Amish attended the funeral of
the killer, forgave him and reached out to his
family. I felt quite small as I asked myself if I
could do the same.
We all proclaim to
be good people who care deeply about others but the
Amish community rose to the occasion and challenged
all of us with their love and compassion.
We are surrounded
in our valley by Amish families. When my friend,
Betty, died a couple of years ago the Amish attended
her wake and funeral. Betty had befriended the
community, hired the children to pull weeds around
the ponds at her farm, and exchanged recipes and
stories. There was never any judgment from the Amish
about the fact that Betty used electricity, drove a
car, and loved to purchase catalogue items for
others. Betty never judged their use of horses and
plows.
I believe that this
is how we are meant to live. To co-exist with each
other, refrain from judging the choices and
behaviors others make, and to reach out with
forgiveness and compassion . . . even when someone
kills a loved one. I have to challenge myself on
this one. When I heard that a local principal was
dead because a troubled teenager shot and killed him
and that the teen was a victim of abuse himself I
felt the surge of frustration and anger well up with
in me. I was angry at the teen and angry at those
who abused him. When those innocent girls were shot
in Pennsylvania I also felt hurt and pain as tears
fell from my eyes. I truly do not know were I the
parent of one of those shot or killed if I would
have instantly, immediately, reached out with
forgiveness.
I would want to be
able to do that but if I could do it at all I am
sure it would take me many weeks or months to get to
that place. It would not have been an instant
response to such pain. The Amish have taught us a
lesson that needs to find its way into our hearts
and lives. It needs to be a foundation for our
government. Instead of retaliating with anger and
bombs, could we not reach out to other countries
with forgiveness, diplomacy, and a better answer
than war and more violence and more death?
We have all seen
people who are able, in the midst of deep pain, to
forgive a killer or drunken driver or troubled
shooter. Some of us think the choice is fake. No one
could possibly do that. Others admire it and want to
emulate it. I, for one, am in the latter group. Oh,
to be big enough to forgive the weaknesses of
others. That indeed would make me a better person.
Mary Friedel-Hunt
is a freelance writer and a licensed clinical
social worker who has been a psychotherapist for 28
years. Her column runs weekly in WellBeing. You may
contact her by writing to: P.O. Box 189, Lone Rock,
WI. 53556, by e-mail:
mfriedelhunt@pobox.com or on her Web site
www.mfriedelhunt.com.
SENIOR BEAT:
Reflections
