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Signs of suicide
How to help: What to look
for and steps to take if you suspect an adolescent is in
trouble.
August 6, 2006
Adolescence is a difficult time.
Hormone surges, life changes, mood swings - it's all part of
life as a teenager.
Distinguishing normal adolescent ups and downs from serious
emotional problems can be tricky. There are signs to look
for and steps to take if you suspect a child is having
problems and may be considering suicide.
But, experts agree, perhaps the most important thing anyone
can do for a teen in trouble is to listen - and to take what
he or she hears seriously.
"Don't laugh it off," said Pete Sheras, a clinical
psychologist and a professor at the University of Virginia.
"Don't make a joke of it. Have a serious conversation with
your child about it. As an adult, I think it's always best
to listen first and talk second."
Fred Levy, a licensed clinical social worker who's been in
business in Newport News for 30 years and has owned his own
practice since 1989, said feeling misunderstood is often an
adolescent rite of passage. But sometimes, feelings of
alienation go deeper than that.
"The universal cry of adolescence is, 'They just don't
understand,' " Levy said. "The problem is, a lot of times
that's true. ... The worst thing you can do is just write it
off - 'You know how adolescents are.' "
There are several factors that may indicate a child's
problems go beyond typical teen angst. Causes for concern
range from changes in sleeping and eating patterns to
increasing isolation from family and friends, giving away of
personal items and depression.
A child displaying several of these symptoms is not
necessarily considering harming himself, but the key is to
look for a "considerable departure from their usual mode of
behavior," Levy said.
Deborah Harris O'Brien, a clinical child psychologist and
chair of the psychology department at Trinity University in
Washington, said traumatic experiences also can increase a
troubled teen's risk of attempting suicide.
"The breakup of a relationship is often the trigger, the
straw that breaks the camel's back," said O'Brien,
explaining that such a breakup can be the end of a romantic
relationship, a divorce in the teen's family or the death of
someone close to the adolescent.
And the pressures on student-athletes can be even greater.
"Many athletes get to the point where they doubt their own
talent," Sheras said, and that uncertainty is added to the
other insecurities in a teenager's life.
Levy said athletes who define themselves by their success on
the field have a harder time coping when things go wrong.
"If you characterize yourself as this person who has to be
the champion, who has to be the hero, and who you are is
invested in whether you succeed or fail, if you score the
winning touchdown, you're OK," Levy said. "If you fumble the
ball, you're trash. ... A shame-based kid will say, 'I'm a
failure. I've disappointed everybody.' Healthier kids can
cope with disappointment better."
Doubling the danger for adolescents is that, with less life
experience and coping skills than adults, they suffer from a
kind of tunnel vision that keeps them focused on their
problems.
"They can't see things from other points of view," O'Brien
said. "They see things as they experience them. Whatever
they're going through seems so enormous, whereas someone
else looking at it from the outside would have a different
perspective. They would think, 'Yeah, this is tough, but
it'll get better.' "
Such shortsightedness can lead to thoughts of suicide, often
called "a permanent solution to a temporary problem," Sheras
said.
If a teen's friend thinks he or she might be contemplating
suicide, the friend should immediately tell a trusted adult,
the professionals said. A concerned adult should seek
counsel from a therapist, a family doctor, or a member of
the clergy.
If the situation seems very dire, Levy advises taking the
troubled teen to the emergency room.
"It's better to overreact a little bit than to underreact,"
Levy said.
But perhaps the most important piece of advice all the
experts gave is: Ask questions. It's a myth, they said, that
talking about suicide will plant the idea in a teen's head.
"If you can raise the issue, then it gives the kid
permission to talk about what's really going on," Levy said.
"They don't feel alone. They don't feel so isolated. They
feel more connected, and you can start talking about some
problem-solving." «
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